Shit Trek: The Final Insult (Hopefully)

Prompted by a friend of mine, I will now share my opinion on the latest Star Trek movie. Although I use the term loosely... the term being 'Star Trek', not necessarily 'movie'. This is definitely a movie, but it's certainly not Star Trek, other than the use of the names involved in the universe.

WARNING: May contain spoilers and references to the idiocy of the franchise holders.

Before I begin, I know people are going to read this and then think, "oh, wah wah, there's another whiny Trek bitch complaining again,' like I'm Comic Book Guy or something. That's fine. I'm not saying this was a bad movie. I'm just saying this isn't a Star Trek movie. And here's why.

J.J. Abrams makes a lot of movies that I like. They tend to be intense and action packed, and that's good watching. But his signature style as envisioned in this piece was inappropriate for the Star Trek that most of us know and love. Many parts of the movie were just over the top, and really unnecessarily so. They worked too hard to create conflict within this set of characters, where there previously was little or none. At the same time, they tried to fill in some of the blanks with regard to Trek's prehistory (vis a vis, Kirk's Kobayashi Maru test) but they don't jive with the other changes made to the universe, so it becomes a confused muddle to any Trek fan trying to determine what the reasoning was behind the changes. Add to this the fact that several of the accepted and well-recognized pieces of canon lore in the universe were drastically altered, or even destroyed, and you begin to recoil from this, if you are in fact, a true fan.

In the realm of 'destruction', one of the pivotal complaints about this film is that the villain sees fit to destroy Vulcan. Let me repeat that. DESTROYS VULCAN. Not a Vulcan colony, but the actual home planet. This is not some backwater burb that isn't relevant, it is featured in many episodes and movies, and since this movie is billed as a prequel series, it completely alters the events which is supposed to come after it. Considering the time travel elements of the film within the capability of the villain in question, it would have been so easy for them to correct this problem with a plot twist... but they don't. Vulcans are referred to as a race on the brink of extinction at the end of the movie, and there is talk of starting a new colony.

As for the quintessential Vulcan, Spock's character, in spite of the eerie resemblance Quinto has to a young Leonard Nimoy, is radically altered by the script. At one point in the movie, he breaks into a fist fight with Kirk on the bridge of the Enterprise. I realize that Spock is supposed to be conflicted with his human side, but I think most Trek fans will agree it would take a lot more than a couple of verbal jabs to make Spock just haul off and club someone, especially while on duty. At least the Spock we know.

And then there is the placement of Urura firmly in the role of token sex symbol. Consoling Spock in the turbolift after the destruction of his planet, they actually start making out. Um, hello? What happened to Spock's aversion to physical contact? Not only is he not recoiling from Uhura's advances, he is actually reciprocating.

Moving along to the villain. I have heard from some people that he is the best villain since Khan. First off, no one can top Montalbahn's Khan. They said the same thing about Shinzhon in Nemesis, and they were wrong about that one too. This guy is more intense than Shinzhon, but it's basically the same old thing. He's pissed off about his planet being destroyed and goes back in time to kill Spock, because he's determined that Spock's the guy responsible for it. Nothing new there. The guy looks like a WWE wrestler with some facial tats and pointed ears, and acts at about the same quality. I should also mention that he's got time travel powers, and he orchestrates events so that an elderly Spock is sent back in time, so that effectively there are two Spocks occupying the same time period, and at one point they actually meet face to face. Not an uncommon premise for Trek...

But since the elder Spock is played by Leonard Nimoy it begs the question: how on this or any other Earth did they manage to convince Nimoy to lend his skills to this farce? Previously, Mr. Nimoy has been very adamant about the presentation of Spock, and the integrity and continuity of the franchise in general. My theories on why he consented to appear alongside the destruction of Vulcan and this presentation of Spock is either that he has developed Alzheimer's and has forgotten his entire Star Trek career... or they simply drove a dump truck full of money up to his house.

There is much much more, but I find I can't go on, much as I found it difficult to get through this movie. The problem with franchises of this scope, and Hollywood in general, is that no one can find anything new to do. They keep rehashing the same stuff over and over again, and often with no basis on what came before in the canon. They made Ang Lee's 'The Hulk' in 2003, and it was okay. But it wasn't good enough for them and so Louis Leterrier redid it again from the beginning five years later. Same problem with the reinvented Superman, as I hear tell they are starting from the beginning with a new screenplay, and eying a release for 2011. Once again, there is no nod to the 70's-80's series of movies, or even the 2006 version of 'Superman Returns'.

More to the point, and with particular attention the Trekkies out there, this movie is a slap in the face. It is clearly directed at the younger, sound-byte dependent, ADHD-addled brains who can't hold their attention for more than a picosecond without having something blow up on screen. Don't get me wrong. I like blow ups as much as the next person. But you don't take a dearly-loved franchise which has made a lot of money for your company and royally fuck it up like this. It effectively alienates that demographic which has helped pay your salary and retirement funds for decades.

But then again, perhaps they don't need us anymore.

Bottom line, original Trek needs to cease. The more they try to improve it, the more they don't. I'd be perfectly happy with them trying a new series, with a new set of characters, but since the franchise can't be trusted to do this, I'd prefer it just go away.