I Had To Wait.

I've been lamenting the fact that I have been in a rut, and I wanted to get out of it. I knew it sucked and I knew it wasn't getting me anywhere not doing anything about it. So recently I began taking steps to change it and better myself, just in case.

I've been languishing the fact that I've been stuck for so long, and for as long as I've been stuck, I've been waiting. I thought of the bad things that were a part of my life, and weighing them against the good things, but still I waited. The bad things were really bad, but the good things were keeping me going. They were keeping me where I was for some reason that I wasn't really aware.

I always wondered why the situation, as awful as it was, never prompted me to move ahead and attempt to attain those things, but instead to make excuses. The excuses were valid, they weren't copouts, but the real life-altering motivation to surmount those odds was simply not there. They weren't there, because I was still waiting.

I wasn't ready. But now I am. And now I realize what the waiting was all about.

I had to wait because I needed to experience the wait, and I needed to discover how it would change me.

I had to wait because I wasn't prepared to accept that things might change drastically, even if it were for the better.

I had to wait because I was broken for so many reasons, and I needed to be reinvented.

And now that things for me are about to take an incredible and unexpected turn for the better, I realize that I had to wait because I needed all of the people that I know now. The outpour of support and advice and sympathy and offers of help toward my current plight is simply overwhelming, as though I were Jimmy Stewart in the last few minutes of that famous movie. This week, you have all helped me realize something about myself that you knew all along, but that I never really believed, and that is that I CAN DO THIS. This is my time.

And I think the universe now realizes that it is indeed my time, as events are currently conspiring to give me an opportunity to prove just how ready I can be.