Halloween 2008

I haven't dressed up for Halloween in five years. Usually the reason for this is because I don't really give a shit. Halloween hasn't really been very fun for me since I stopped eating a lot of candy, so I'd say since I was about 22. In any case, every year all my friends (who seem to live love the crap out of the idea) plan elaborate parties and costumes, and I don't bother. Once in a while I will decide I don't wanna be the odd man out and try to come up with a last minute idea. I'll wrack my brain for about two hours then give up and just go out dressed in my civvies.

This year, the idea was for Dave and I to dress up as Trailer Park Boys. He got me hooked on the show earlier this year, and it's been our program of choice for our now occasional but once regular drunken TV watching sessions on weekends. I didn't really think he'd actually go through with it, so I didn't bother scrambling around for a costume.

Then we all went to a preliminary Halloween party thrown by a friend, and he shows up wearing a Sunnyvale hockey jersey (BUBBLES 99) and these goofy glasses with huge black frames that make him look more like Harry Caray than Bubbles. But all the same he kinda showed me up that day and I silently vowed not to be outdone.


Originally Dave wanted to dress as Ricky, but I talked him out of it because he is so clearly Bubbles. His hairline and colour, the shape of his face, etcetera. I not so kindly told him that he didn't have enough hair to pass of Ricky. The joke of it was that neither one of us did, in actual fact. But on that day, we agreed that he would be Bubbles and I would be Ricky, and I set out on a three week mission to find gaudy shirts and track pants, and try to grow mutton chops and a goofy pompadour.

After about a week and a half of this, I realized I wasn't going to be any better of a better Ricky than Dave would have been. My facial hair simply doesn't grow in enough, and my body frame isn't convincing enough. Rob Wells used to play football and I'm just not built that way. So I more or less gave up on the idea. I assumed that Dave would too. But then the fateful Halloween party disproved that theory.

So, in typical Brian style, on Halloween afternoon at 4:30 I decide to throw together a Julian costume. I do this every year. Most years it doesn't pay off. But i thought, if I can just find the right clothes, and figure out a way to get my hair jet black, it just might work. So I head over to Value Village and Walmart.

• 1 black elastic knit t-shirt - $5.99
• 1 fake gold chain - $4.99
• 1 crappy costume jewelry ring - $3.99
• 1 box Loreal black hair dye - $13.99
• 1 pair dark sunglasses - $6.99
• 1 pkg. 'pirate' makeup crayons - $2.99

I fail to locate a chain bracelet or clip on earring to complete the look, but I have all the other items needed. Also, at Value Village I find the perfect Ricky shirt and I have to buy it because it's just so perfect, and I might wanna use it at some other point.

So I get all this crap home, and I realize I haven't really thought this through. I've spent all this money but I still don't know whether I can pull of Julian convincingly. JP Tremblay, let's face it, is a good looking guy; he's got those classic chiseled Roman facial features that I simply don't have, his skin is clean and unmarked, and he's got twice as much muscular bulk as I do, especially in the arms. So given that the hair dye i bought is semi-permanent (washes out in 28 days) I opt to test the makeup and the outfit first do see how good it looks, deciding that if it looks crap, I'll just bail on the idea and return the other stuff.

I don the black jeans that I already had, the t-shirt and unwrap the makeup. I start applying the devil's moustache and goat with the black makeup crayon, and I check out the mirror. It doesn't look too bad. I put on some of the bling and the shades. Even with my brown/gray mop it's starting to look enough like Julian that I'm almost convinced this is a good idea. The last touch: I grab a highball from the cupboard and check myself out in the full length mirror in my living room.

The whole look is a little awesome, even with the non-black hair. I'm decided -- it's on.


30 minutes later, my hair is jet black, and although it's not as long as Julian's it's not noticeable. After a couple of quick beers, I pack up all my stuff and head for Sandra's, where I will become Julian for the night.

Once there, the transformation doesn't take very long. I reapply the makeup (I washed it off before I took the bus downtown), and try to work on the hair. It's hard to recreate Julian's particular 'do, but then it's hard to do just about anything with my brillo hair, so I just try to make the hairline look accurate with some styling mud. put on the bling and shades and voila: instant Trailer Park.

While she's getting ready, I start practicing in the mirror. I've seen the whole series about six times now, so it doesn't take me long to get into character. Thanks to Sandra's generosity, she lends me a highball for the night, and I fill it with pop and ice, which I will then carry the seven blocks to the bar everyone is meeting at. I don't wear a jacket because it spoils the look and plus it's very mild out tonight. When we get halfway there, she asks me if I spiked the pop with actual liquor. I tell her that I didn't want to take any chances that a cop might stop me and ask me what's in the glass. The likelihood of this is slim, but I'm playing it safe, although that would have been a classic opportunity to really play Julian.

When I walk into the bar, I immediately hear, 'Hey, Julian's here!" and 'Where's Bubbles?" It's not widespread in it's recognizablity, but it's enough.

Dave shows up as Bubbles and does a bit of a double take. I'm in full on Julian mode now, standing in front of the table holding my drink. In his hsate to get over to me, he knocks over Jay's pint, because he can't see a fucking thing through his plastic coke-bottle lenses, but apart from that, he's clearly impressed by the success of my look. I'm satisfied that I've outdone him, and we get on to the business of drinking.


Over the course of the night, more people show up and many pics are taken. I tell Dave that he has to stay close to me for the Julian think to really work. For anyone who doesn't really know the show, they are more likely to recognize me as Julian if Bubbles is close by, but on my own I could just as easily be mistaken for George Michael.

A couple of Jay's band buddies show up as state troopers. This is just perfect. As I walk by them to refill my drink, the big one looks me up and down, blocking me and I stare him down. "I haven't done anything wrong," I say, a la Julian. "You've got no right to detain me. I'm gonna leave now."


Outside having a smoke, there is an old dude with a metal pot strapped to his head. He is a pot head. Clever. "Where's Ricky?" he asks drunkenly.

"Ricky's in jail," I respond in Julian-ese. Then he wants to know if we can score him some dope. I tell him we're not working tonight, we're just getting drunk and stoned with our friends.

"Besides, all we have is some shitty mall dope," Bubbles says.

I'm drinking rum and coke, obviously, but it's not really having any effect (at first). Whenever I order a drink, I have to repour it. I've tried to give the waitresses my personal highball, but they won't put my drink in it for some reason. They always bring their own glass. So I have to take the lime and stir stick out of it and repour it into my own glass. Another perfect opportunity for a classic TPB moment.

When we move the foursome to Ray's Boathouse, the effect of Julian and Bubbles is a lot more pronounced. Immediately upon entering, we were photographed by strangers, and our 'names' were shouted out. I clink everyone's glasses along the way. It was kinda like being a celebrity... but not really I suppose.

We don't win any costume contests, but then I wasn't really expecting to. What actually happened that I also didn't expect was that I actually had a lot of fun for once on Halloween.